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BRITAIN TO TAKE TWO YEARS OFF – The Daily Mash

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BRITAIN TO TAKE TWO YEARS OFF

BRITAIN is to take the next two years off to go travelling and focus on its hobbies.

‘Oh no, I’ve been made redundant’

With the government now willing to pick up the tab for everything, millions of Britons are this morning telling their bosses to piss up a rope.

Stephen Malley, a soon to be ex-accountant from Bristol, said: “I’d like to spend some time in China, I’d like to learn how to play the bongos, and I’d like to write a collection of short stories about a sexy west country accountant who solves crimes.

“But I suspect I’ll probably just get in a load of crisps and Fanta and watch my Battlestar Galactica DVDs with my hands stuffed down the front of my pyjama bottoms.”

He added: “I’ve always said that the one thing that’s been holding this country back is consequences.

“Does it make me more likely to vote Labour? Possibly. But I’m not sure I’ll have time to vote, what with all the Battlestar Galactica, and yes, the masturbation.”

Prime minister Gordon Brown said that depending on the length and depth of the recession, the government would consider extending the removal of consequences to energy bills, TV licences, road traffic accidents and murder.

Mr Brown added: “I am very aware that one of the most traumatic effects of an economic downturn is not being able to kill anyone you want to without the police asking lots of annoying questions.

“I want to make sure that funding is available for all those who need to flee the country at short notice with a new identity and a large prosthetic nose.”

via BRITAIN TO TAKE TWO YEARS OFF – The Daily Mash.

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